🔬 For The Science
After many years of soul searching and one huge mental melt-down, I realized I can't hide behind those lies anymore, so I must reveal the original picture I traced over a decade ago, claiming it as my own creation for so many years...
Yes, Andrzej Kowalczyk was a real contortionist, born in Poland, raised and trained in Austria. His backbending skills were truly extraordinary, if not extraterrestrial, and far ahead of the times. This is a scan I managed to obtain while visiting a medical library in Vienna. I'm sorry if this leads to any disappointment for anybody who might have believed this was my own "masterpiece".
It was never my intention to mislead people but the artist needs to find excellent references sometimes, especially when he is dying to receive a lot of flattering feedback, these references must be top notch.
This photo was taken in London back in 1969, when everyone was going bonkers about The Beatles and their hairdos. Everyone except Andrzej, who much preferred The Animals and their chart-topping song "House of the Rising Sun". The word "house" always brought back memories – memories of his early childhood, spent in an orphanage in Poland, and his first attempts at contortions while trying to imitate his cats.
Back then, Andrzej couldn't understand a lick of English, so he had no clue that song was all about a cathouse, not an orphanage. He found out about its true meaning later on at a gig where he bumped into a young French lady called Françoise Hardy who broke it down for him.
So, if you keep asking yourself why he appears a bit glum in this picture, now you know! The disappointment led Andrzej leave England soon afterwards and change his hairstyle, single-handedly obtaining his trademark side-swept fringe. With his brand new look, he decided to take on an all-new identity and started calling himself Andrzej Kowalczyk, instead of Andy J. Smith, the name he had employed while living in the UK.
Anyway, all that sounds like a whole different story from this point forward, so let me just say: Thank You in advance for your understanding, for not holding grudges against me and for all those comments saying you still love me, even more than before because I'm so sincere and it's just so charming...
I'll try to make up for it somehow, maybe by doing some community work, serving free food at Blue Sky and other homeless shelters, or perhaps I could volunteer my skills and help young men in need to learn how to bend? Or maybe even create a show based on true stories of people who have bent between their legs and come back from the other side? I'll think of something...
Sincerely Yours,
Hot S. Potatio de Dorsals Contortibus a la Mode de l'Occident
-2024 B.C. (2024 A.D.)