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Just wanted to say things aren't going too great lately. Yesterday I spent all day trying to write a good reply, but when I reread it, I realized it was complete nonsense, something about a castle on the horizon where you have to rescue the princess who gives the whole adventure its purpose, even though most of the journey you just fight cool monsters, wear girly outfits, stare at the tight asses of ninja boys in rubbersuits, flirt with the shark man, spend weeks unlocking every corner of the world for the sake of completion, barely even remembering there's some princess out there waiting to be saved, but still, every time you wonder "why the heck am I doing this for?", there's always that castle on the horizon as the answer...
I swear I spent all day on writing that nonsense to explain how it feels to live without having "a castle on the horizon"... Living without understanding what it's all for, what direction to take... and then in the evening I was like what the heck am I writing?? So I had to delete my reply, then I saw I still had a hundred more comments on my blog...
And I am incredibly grateful because, to be honest, I expected, like, just one comment at most like "don't jump, life is beautiful!"... That's why I wrote that blog, to be honest, I just didn't think anyone would even read it... After my last posts on social platforms, where I got fewer than a hundred views and a couple of likes, I thought the apocalypse had already started and only a few crippled survivors were still trying to view my site via Starlink while circling around the ruins of society in their bulletproof Teslas...
But then... suddenly, in the next 4-5 hours I got almost 20 detailed comments!! Which blew my mind and put me to shame to be honest. And I'm still blown by the amount of opinions I've been receiving on that blog... I've been trying my best to pull myself together and answer them all but got a severe burnout after replying to just a few... And the fact that most of my replies won't even be read anyway was a hard thought.
But I think the most positive aspect is that the post allowed to discover just how many people continue to visit this place. Lately I've been crafting some nice images but thought the site kind of died all of a sudden because of some virtual pandemia and all my work became meaningless anyway...
But on a slightly more positive note, I finally got a delivery with a CO2 meter last evening, something I ordered after stumbling upon a completely random video about how the air quality may impact your life. So I was curious to find out how much CO2 there is in my room since I'm always stuck inside 24/7. Last month I left my home only once... And guess what? It turns out the oxygen quality in my room is almost twice worse than the safety limit!
To think I've spent several decades breathing in toxins, it could account for why I constantly battle brain fog, dizziness and evil spirits. I mean my window is open all the time, but apparently there isn't enough air flow anyway... So I've just installed an air purifier and ordered a more reliable CO2 meter since the first one is just a toy and I'm unsure if it's even accurate. Surely my air can't be as awful as it shows...
I've been leaving the window open as often as possible, but I always close at bedtime as there's always some loud noises outside that wake me up in the middle of the night, and it's really hard to go back to sleep with my stress levels... But the next morning after installing the air purifier, I finally woke up without a foggy head and a dry throat, so it seems to be doing a decent job at CO2 filtering and better airflow. At least I'm making some progress, good ol' me.
Sadly, I'm trapped in a shit hole where the most difficult thing is to simply take a walk outdoors without getting attacked by giant robots or chased by ninja zombies or whatever bullshit is happening in the streets lately, I've not been keeping up much with the exterior realm...
Maybe I'll manage to make it to the nearby forest today though, probably try to chop some wood to craft a better axe to deal with those strange glowing spiders in my closet... I really want my winter jacket, it's going to be too cold soon to go out shirtless. Or maybe I should wait until the spring?
Right now the weather is still good, it'd be nice to get away from this shack even if only for a couple of hours... Oh well, at least the air indoors has become breathable... and I have enough food stocked up for another week.
This morning I finally found my muse in the basement, or let's say what was left of him: just a pile of bones in the dirt, their shape and structure still intact but completely devoid of flesh. Alas, poor bendy creature, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He had bent his back for me a thousand times. And now how abhorred in my imagination it is!
I took the last picture of him before he fell into dust, and I hope that you, dear guest, will appreciate the beauty of this form one last time. Farewell, my friend! Your memory will live on forever in my heart.
The sun is shining outside, the wind is whispering through the leaves, and the birds are singing their sweet songs. It's so peaceful here, like a little paradise on earth – if it weren't for all these damned insects buzzing around my head. I swear they're trying to drive me mad! This buzzing, constant, maddening noise... Like a swarm of tiny flies inside my skull...
But I won't give up, not yet. I... I'll keep... fighting against the... the darkness... that... surrounds me... I... I'll never surrender...
Oh God, it's happening again, those fucking glowing spiders are back! Quick! Hide the camera! They've seen us! Run, run, RUN!!! A