Military Fairy

"Ooh get her! Whoops!
Now guess the number ducky
How many times you'd fold me, dear. Two three.
I'd pop your eyes out!"

Every army needs to keep their guns long, hard and ready, and there are special units responsible for that. As all the dirty work is usually carried out by women but they're not always accepted in the army, so in such cases the job has to be done by replacers in the shape of the freshly enlisted long-haired boys who can keep the heavy artillery up and pointed at the right angles.

Just as effective as the effete medieval squires who kept their knights' swords properly polished, people like Basil Hadley are the hidden power of the military. Too spineless to fight, they are carefully protected from the prying enemy eyes, meanwhile they improve their skills to perfection back in the offices and barracks, so nobody will question that the military truly keeps its privates at work.