Falling apart . . .

I feel like I've spent all these years trying to build my home on sand, and now it seems it's all collapsing before my eyes every day. Not only is everything starting to seem so random and meaningless, but I have no clear idea of what to do to restore things to any meaningful state...

It's almost like growing old – after living in your house for many decades, you wake up one morning to find that it has begun crumbling around you, and despite your best efforts, you simply lack the physical and emotional stamina to do anything about it...

Personally, I believe that to fix things I need to come up with a more intriguing, "whole" world and more relatable characters, but all these things seem like it would take months to build even if you know what you're doing – while I'm not even sure what direction I should go in...

So I'm just sitting and waiting for this site to go all the way from 1000s to 100s and down to mere 10 views. And I have a strong feeling that by 2025, I will have 0 comments on anything, no matter what "masterpieces" I think I upload. And then I realize that the only true supports for this home throughout these years were your kind words!..

I'm really sorry if these messages of despair have become tiresome to many long-term visitors... Let's hope my prayers will be heard this time and I'll find the inspiration to breathe life back into my world and tighten up my characters, and finally I can start working on a real project and not just random ideas that come across my mind.

What do you think? 😄

I've feeling the same recently...
X/...

Deviantart almost destroyed my account, I'm not using discord as before after I was hacked and lost confidance on the site... now the same with furaffinity...

My patreon failed... I not taking commissions as the last round of them also failed... and I'm still in financial stress...

... right now, I'm not in the best mood...

But at least the rubber duck song cheers me up... XD

Doesn't sound like the same to me - sounds like much worse than my situation. I'm just frustrated with my skill issues, while you're having real troubles... But I'm glad if something on this site can distract you from these troubles and help to feel better... Probably not this post though XD

Now this might be something you do already so I apologize in advance!💖 But visibility is key with all the stuff out there, so what if you posted your content several places? Like instagram, X, tumblr etc and used hashtags and descriptions that would attract attention through algorithm, when people search? Like #quadamp #stretching #waistcinchers etc and write a few key word descriptions…

And you wouldn’t have to show the entire pic either… Like when you make a pic you could crop it or blur parts of the pic and then post a link in the keyword description, leading people here for the full pic?

It’s just a suggestion, every time you’ve made art and a story or description of it, you’d quickly blur, crop, write keyword description, find a few hashtags and then post it to these platforms. I’m sure they’d be quickly discovered and bring people here for the full artwork and story🥰

Hope this helps!💖

Thank you so much! I think I really need to use at least X.com - I just checked #contortion on it and I'm finding some artists already XD The last time I checked (3-4 years ago I think) their search engine was broken and I'd only find some trash, but now it seems they've fixed it... Oh, nevermind, tags like #tightbelt are still broken as before...

Instagram takes your real geographical location and starts suggesting your profile to people who live nearby, regardless of what their interests may be. I was fortunate to notice that feature at a very early stage and avoid doxing 😖

I agree with the previous comment that getting the word out on other platforms could help. Tumblr might not be very helpful because it went baby mode in 2018, causing many NSFW creators to move to NewGrounds, DeviantArt, Twitter (now X), Patreon, and others. Not sure how much Facebook or Instagram will help because they heavily censor content, even referring content. I'm not current with FB or IG because I closed my FB acct over 6 years ago, then I got locked out of IG 3 years ago when they thought I was a hacker after I started using a VPN. IG wanted me to do a selfie video of my head. No way!

As far as I know, X is the only large platform that won't censor you. Smaller platforms like NewGrounds & DeviantArt won't, either, but they (like X) require visitors to log in to see NSFW content. That's fine by me.

Speaking of censorship, Etsy just recently (2024-07-29) went baby mode and kicked out sex toy makers. Some makers have moved to their own ecommerce sites, such as Shopify or WordPress/WooCommerce at free-speech-supportive hosting companies. Some shops, usually the bigger ones, saw the writing on the wall and already had their own sites, but some smaller ones got caught off guard and are now scrambling. It's pretty disgusting what Etsy did to those people, who helped Etsy grow.

Thank you so much for the suggestions! More views might be good but I'm not sure that would solve the whole problem... My problem is more like, the more I post, the more I feel ashamed that my posts feel so meaningless, there's no clear picture of whatever is going on here anymore, and it makes a lot of people just give up on me as an artist, I think... Unfortunately, my muse just refuses to work with consistent characters and all I can do is random stuff, so I can only hope to find some bright idea one day... But whenever I try to think of a big project, something that would make me feel good to wake up in the morning and contribute to it - it just fails every time but nothing is ever enough to contain all of my ideas and characters...

And I think every single platform you mentioned is disgusting, not just Etsy (I've honestly never heard of that platform before), but FB, IG, DeviantArt, YouTube, they all have their horrible histories of betraying their own people who helped them grow in the first place. Those are corporate platforms, it doesn't matter who helps them grow, they simply use you and kick you out once you're no longer needed.

As we grow, everything changes, it is inevitable, what we did not think was going to change changes, our mind and physique also change, but it is inevitable and we have to know how to accept it and adapt, but luckily the inner essence is what makes each one be as it is, and luckily that is not taken away by age or time.

Yeah it's good that external things change over time because otherwise it would be boring. And it's great at least something doesn't change, otherwise it would be total chaos - every day waking up inside a changed mind, trying to figure out who you are, where you are and what you're supposed to do today...

Shifty

YUNII!!!! Just believe in yourself please. And do not doubt your skills. Recently you did some of very best art ever including witty funny stories and whats more even song!!! I really feel you are just sad there is nothing in general wrong with your work!
Sure I could point some minor problems but that is not issue nobody cant make masterpieces all the time daily!!!

The world just changed and believe me it really sux, because rate of change is faster than before in history of world. It is not just societal change as that happened in past too. But also world itself is changing because of technology.

For example I was very confident in my programming skills I have built in past 15 years, or my writing ability. Not to be some famous star but to live decent life.
Now "ai" appeared and every big turd in leather jacket is saying that programmers are thing of past and should be all laid off etc. Same goes for writing...

With you it is similar you artistic skills were unmatched just few years ago, almost nobody in the world could come close in quality and scope.
Now dang there is ai and anyone can just copy your style. Not at all fully but you know for many common people it is enough.
You have embraced ai and can create even better works you always dreamed about but "competition" is much more numerous.

Entire world is just fucked up by "attention mechanics" you either get peoples attention by any means or you dont exist... that is how those basic ai algos fucked this world and more advanced ones will play with our apish brains even more in future.

I just really hope you wont let this to crush you because to me you are still best artist and thats true :)

Thank you so much Shifty!! For some reason I don't think more views would make me happier - my struggle is more about how I'm making my content and I think I really need to brush up my world, and how it makes me feel super sick that everything is so random and out of hand lately... It's like with every single new post I'm just pushing things to fall more apart instead of building something... ^^;

Just wish I could wake up in the morning to have a big project to work on - you know how Tolkien or Rowling or Sapkowski must wake up and they really know what to do with their day. Like, Tolkien had the hobbits - he wouldn't wake up to write about random cavemen or sci-fi because he just read Lovecraft or Jules Verne and he felt like writing something like that. He has his own thing...

Even most of my friends have concrete worlds and characters that they like to think about... Me, I always wake up to the headache and chaos of not knowing what to do and whole days feel empty, every picture is just a new disappointment, month after month... :( And even worse - I made up so many different stories that now it's impossible to choose just one...

About the world problems, there are too many if we start making a list of everything... But I think we need to focus on things that we can control directly, not the things we can't change at all, even if they affect us somehow - but if we can't do anything better then just try to adapt... ^^; Like, me I can't make people comment or view things but I can focus on the art itself that I can fully contorol.. ;D

Shifty

And to second part of your frustration.
JUST THINK SMALLER - look at your contortion game you did made all the mechanics and boring hard parts and then kinda abandonet it (It is exactly what I do lot of times yeah i hate myself for that too...).
BUT WHAT IF you from the start set REALISTIC goal ie 10 screens in one town forrest etc and create complete full yet very small game. Sure it would be short but it would be finished and you could give it for free even on Steam and so on!!

And with stories... why create whole complex new world? No just start with adventure for 1-2 of your characters and give them I dont know also 10 images. Plus fluff like fantasy scenery of plains, rivers etc. No need to create huge world to compete with Tolkien create just extended deeper storyarc. And if some images in it arent top notch contortion masterpieces then what? Picture can be good and funny with your sexy kind characters even in normal positions!

Actually thinking of the game made me think of something I could do as a project. I think I should really stick with Yunia and that recent concept of "evil spirits", a kind of immaterial creatures who suddenly infest this world and cause big problems - from creating weird golems from buckets and logs, to possessing people turning them into slaves of darkness... I was thinking of contortion being a way to accumulate energy/mana while hodling extreme poses, and then waist-cinching being a way to preserve that energy (like Max MP), while sexy things working for healing/restoration, so things like bathhouses and brothels are great after tough anti-spiritual battles ;D

But what to do with all the sci-fi ideas... maybe could open portals not just to Inferia (kind of hell) but also to Earth 2201, maybe revamp that region I once had called "Technicca", so Technicca is the way they call the "real world" in Yunia, while that region in Yunia is kind of like a train station or an airpot where they don't let any modern gadgets to Yunia or something like that... XD

But yeah, starting from something small is a good idea. Yesterday, thinking of all this gave me a brilliant idea of the "meaning of life" - basically the whole meaning of life is that we set goals for ourselves and then we either reach them or we don't, making us believe that our life is either meaningful or not. But it's us who set the goals, nobody else, but we often set completely unrealistic goals and then say life is meaningless because we can't get exactly what we want. So setting achievable goals can definitely help.

Sasha M

Dear Yuni, I have already expressed my opinion on this matter. If you are worried about the size of the audience, you should try to return to Twitter. Despite all its shortcomings, I do not know of another equally popular global social network with rules that are liberal enough regarding the publication of sexual content and erotic art. First of all, you should google what other artists write about the pitfalls of working with Twitter, especially those who work in the erotic genre.

For example, I see that almost everyone who draws both women and femboys creates two separate accounts. But here it's a matter of different user preferences, I think. I haven't seen a single artist banned for femboy art yet, except for individual images that are removed at the request of the copyright holders. Like, pictures of naked Link...

But there are probably many other subtleties that you need to know in order to avoid problems with the Twitter administration and so that people who are potentially ready to appreciate and love your art can find it.

I do not think that you should publish all your works on Twitter. Only those that will appeal to the maximum number of people. You can publish both new and the most popular old works.

Even though you say you've ignored Twitter for years, I see you have some very popular people following you. For example, porn star Jean Hollywood, with hundreds of thousands of followers. ^^
x.com/sodacatxxx

I don't know why but X.com feels like the evil older brother of the naive baby Instagram XD Where Instagram is an ultra dumb globohomo platform full of cringeworthy, saccharine, "playful" emoji bullshit, yet it's rather harmless. Twitter, in contrast, is like a high-nosed toxic globohomo villain teen who believes they can "cancel" someone with a single tweet.

I got a strong intuition that I don't want to participate in that whole alien culture... Perhaps this sentiment might evolve someday - but if that shift happens too late for me to take advantage of Twitter, I will have no regrets.

I would absolutely love to see a full world made for your characters and all their hijinks! As long as you keep doing cute soft bendy boys, I will only have amgood thoughts about you and your work!

I've thought a lot about other things I could do... but bendy femboys are not only still rare and unique in 2024 but still the best and most precious 😜

I've been following your accounts and your contortion art for years, although there is little i can do to make you feel better, simply want to say i love all the contortion pieces you've created!

Thank you so much for your kind words. That already helps a lot to be honest - sometimes I struggle to know what to do next... but knowing that you like my contortion pictures in their current form is quite comforting.

You make masterpieces - I am no master of words thats why I am shy to comment... and your art makes me speechless so i am not able to comment! I am so sorry that I forget that the comment is the applaude to the artist! I applaude you!

Thank you very much for your encouragement! In the past I mainly asked people to comment on my artwork because it was the only way to see there were real visitors on the site who liked my work. But I've now added the view counters that make sure every view comes from a real person - so even if most people don't leave comments, I can still see that my art has been viewed by real people. So even if you just view the picture, it already "counts"! XD

Of course, it would still be disappointing to upload a pic I'm proud of and receive only 1-2 short comments or even none... But now at least I can see it's been viewed by 500+ of real people, and I can trust my data, so it makes me feel a lot better than simply receiving no feedback at all.

I find it helpful to consider creativity as a journey we should try to enjoy rather than spend chasing after any particular destination/idea/measure of 'success'. If you can reach the end of your career/life and look back knowing that you spent it attempting what you love, for better or for worse, then in my opinion it was well lived.

Every journey consists of small milestones, I think. In essence the concept of finding "the meaning of life" is nothing but setting certain goals for oneself - if we make progress toward our goals then life feels "meaningful", if we set unreachable goals or no goals at all then life feels "meaningless".

Basically, the person who sets small, realistic goals that can be achieved in short periods of time, has a happy life. But many people often set goals far beyond their abilities - like creating a video game when they has no idea how to do that, or writing a novel when they haven't written a single short story before.

In some way, I'm already following my own philosophy as I focus on small stories and specific pictures and when it's done, it's done, and it's satisfying. But suddenly I've begun to realize that I lack some bigger aim in my work... Now it's hard to think if it's a way toward even greater satisfaction, or maybe it's just an attempt to set an unrealistic goal and end up in misery...

I've been following your work for over a decade and it really saddens me to see that you keep getting stuck in this loop of misery.
Don't you realise you've already created an amazing world? Not just one world, but an entire Yuniverse! To me, your works live in a multiverse, where your characters interact in new and interesting ways through different timelines.
I don't think that needs fixing.
Actually, trying to squeeze that multiverse into a single world with consistent rules, would only take away from it, I think.
If I might make a suggestion... You've created maps of Yunia before. So, how about creating a map of the Yuniverse?
Put your works into timelines, planets, countries... Make it interactive, so we can navigate it and feel like time travellers!
That might even be a step towards creating the world you are looking for, but without having to limit yourself to a single planet.
💞

Shifty

Iam super glad my comments could help in some way.
Since ai stuff appeared I have in mind literally every second day one great idea and can't resist to at least "check" if I could actually achieve it and when I dedicate ie 14 days to the thing I can see OMG I could actually do it! (Last project was 2D space game). And then I realize "wait a moment" to properly finish it you need to dedicate at least one full year of time.
Because Iam sadly not genial or talented but I can be very "dedicated" and with ai I can do a lot now! And then all commes "crushing" on you telling you that in 3 months there be another project or real life emergency... and you wont finish that game anyway. And it is maddening... .
You at least are creating complete beautiful images and stories and songs now...

Hey go for your ideas I think "interdimensional" travel is good thing it is different to alternative multiverses which is super bad idea. I was always craving for Helen and Kyle to visit your proper demonic demons and learn some proper "stuff" and that is just one story. Or for Nuv and Ramazir to visit modern world and try all new toys X-)

Oh and there is one thing I realized lately which connect to your realization about "life goals". You know those shortlived certain projects and ideas they after few months seems like they didnt even existed they are like a dream a something which is slowly fading away. And with real life it is same, there are certain things which just "works" for decades (or centuries) even few fictional worlds are just so good and strong that they are still vivid and "alive". But other things and events are just fading away like a dream. I used to hate those philosophical views but there is some truth to them.

Sorry, I tried to read your last paragraph like 12 times thinking I must be crazy for not understanding plain English, even tried making AI explain what's written and it seems the overall meaning is "some things remain for centuries and some disappear like dreams..." But I'm still failing to understand what kind of "philosophical views" you hate... XD

Cheer up! You're the most amazing painter I've ever met, and even more rare to have the exact same hobby as me! Your masterful portrayal of the human body makes every character extremely appealing. I come back almost every day to see what you've got up your sleeve, and I wouldn't hesitate to support a paid sponsorship program if one existed. I'm honestly shocked at the fact that I can now see all this amazing work for free!

Thank you so much for your kind words about my work! It's wonderful to hear that you enjoy it. Regarding financial matters, I must admit that to me, comments are the only valuable form of "payment" - in fact, I sometimes wish I could hire someone just to write interesting comments... but that would certainly be odd ;D

I stopped reading at the 'I'm just frustrated with my skill'. That is absurd. Beyond your creations, what I'm seeing is the result of one of the MOST talented and skilled people .. .ever. I mean, who designs websites?
AND
.. picks up software platforms and packages, watches a few youtube vids and then masters them .. like I've seen you do with both Blender and the current AI epoch. I look at what you produce and have decided you have to be on welfare or independently wealthy. How could you squeeze so much into one life? I've published several 3d comics under the moniker of ThulsDoom and must say that my efforts are all puny in comparison. At times, I've struggled for inspiration, and those times come and go. In my humble opinion, Yuni.. the site is not near as important as the result. Who goes to the Louvre, looks at the Mona Lisa and says, 'wow, look at that frame'. What newly engaged girl shows off the box the ring came in? Your muse will return. You are one of the few people, I'll never meet that I'd like to sit down and just have a beer with.

I've seen a lot of 3d artists over the years (more precisely, Poser artists) who were probably less skilled than me, but what they really have is interest in their own work - they keep producing stuff non-stop, not caring much if others find their skillset impressive or not. Maybe sometimes they envy some greater artists and wish they could make higher quality stuff, I can't tell, but I certainly can see a lot of passion in their own work, even if they may be limited in skills, they're still building something that they're passionate about...

I'm not too limited in my skills and tools, but I have a lot of troubles with exhaustion and feelings of futility while making all this... And when I see people who are genuinely passionate about something, they may make poor 3d art but they have interesting and memorable characters and they can't wait to make more about them every day. I've talked to an artist on DeviantArt who is quite old but said he will keep making art and sticking around as long as he can hold the mouse...

Yyyyoooo Yuni! I was thinking about this all day at work but I wanted to let you know that you and the Yuniverse have helped me a lot throughout the years. It was your art that made me realize I was gay (lol thx to Andrzej and Yasha of course) and that it's ok to want to be a femboy and feel pretty as a guy, especially when I grew up in a place that wasn't the most accepting of that kind of thing, it means a lot to me, more than you'll know.

I also thought that you might have more consistency and continuity in your work than you think. Andrzej and Yasha are, at least to me, your most recurring characters in the Yuniverse. I had an idea before I went to bed last night but the picture of Andrzej and Yasha in the classroom being taught about the history of Yunia might work well as being displayed like a pop-up book? (I guess a fold-up book in the case of the Yuniverse :3) It might even work for an intro to your game!

In the end if you ever do decide to walk away from the Yuniverse altogether than that's a decision you have to make for yourself. However, I do think that you are willing to keep going if you are willing to post about how you don't have a grand overarching tie-in for all your characters, world-building, and ideas, and don't want all these decades of work to be for nothing. You mentioned Tolkien above and I do want to say that when he was tinkering with LOTR and Silmarillion after the success of the Hobbit, his publishers thought it was too radically different and didn't want to publish, and instead wanted more Hobbit stuff. Tolkien had to revise LOTR over and over to get it published, at least to where Allen and Unwin were happy with it, but he insisted that there be as few changes to keep the world-building consistent, especially concerning his Silmarillion. At any rate (sorry for the diatribe, big Tolkien fan) you should know that your work does have great real-world value, even if it might not seem like it. I would have un-alived myself a *long* time ago if I didn't get to see that there was someone out there like you who made me feel valued as a femboy and who made me feel like I can just be pretty and cute and it's ok to want to feel like that, because I saw Andrzej and Yasha just being how I wanted to be :3 thank you so very much for everything you've done, you really have had a very deep impact on my life because of your work!

I'm not walking away from the Yuniverse, I'm just trying to figure out how to make it an interesting project and the first thing to think about every morning... XD

Also I'm very glad that my art helped you in some way... I wish I could say the same about it, but sadly I've never had a strong feeling that I've created something good. I'm extremely protective of my work when someone tries to attack it, but when it comes to sitting down calmly and just enjoying the fact I've created all this, I don't remember a single time in my life when something like that happened... Usually I'm only happy when someone else told me they like my character or story, or that I created some awesome pose etc. Then it actually feels like I've created something valuable...

Wish I had my own "Allen & Unwin", I believe it was the editors and publishers who shaped many books we know to their best form. Sometimes you get to read the pre-edited versions of some famous books and it's frustrating how much worse they are. But unfortunately, I have not a single person who is genuinely interested in my work on the partner level... I wish I could have someone to whom I could send my works for suggestions and brainstorming, someone I could respect and trust... I know that I can simply publish WIPs here for everyone to brainstorm but people would just tear my works apart, suggesting all kinds of different ideas without any kind of good vision. So I'm doomed to work alone in constant frustration ^^;

Sasha M

I understand your attitude towards Twitter, Yuni. But if we are talking about increasing the audience of your site, then at least it is necessary to give new people (who can potentially become regular grateful viewers) a chance to find your art.

I can only speak for myself. I love your art, but I am only one person, not ten or a hundred people. And the number of your old fans will continue to decrease. This is an objective process. Many years have passed, some of those who were your fans from the very beginning, even died over the years. Like one of my friends. She was your big fan, but cancer does not spare even young people.

So if nothing is done, visitors will gradually leave your site for various reasons.

And yes, if you start promoting your art on big social networks like Twitter to attract a new audience, you will get not only new fans of your talent on your site, but also new stalkers, psychopaths and just rude people. And such people can be in the management of the social network on par with quite adequate people. You know this..

A great example with Natalie Mars, whom I really love as a performer and respect as a person. As I heard, she retired much earlier than she planned, because of some really crazy and evil stalker. She was always very level-headed and not at all timid. So she tried to fight, but when the jerk directed his efforts at her friends and loved ones, she gave up.

Every decision has its pros and cons. That's life. It's not just about social networks. It's about absolutely everything.

Well I just posted about 5-6 pics on DeviantArt a couple of days ago, seemingly got about 30 new visitors or so - hopefully, some of them bookmarked my site. I'll probably post something on Twitter later, but I think people generally prefer in-platform content over off-site links...

I'm sorry to hear about your friend passing away at such a young age due to an illness. I'm not sure if I knew her or not, there are many people who never leave comments, so...

As for Natalie Mars, it was shocking to learn that someone could have unauthorized access to her personal contacts. I believed she might be signed with a modeling agency, but seems like she had public accounts on unsafe platforms like FB and IG that expose friend lists to the public without the user's consent... IG even goes as far as suggesting your profile to everyone nearby based on your precise geographic location.

Websites are just not reliable if you want to have a large fanbase, twitter is your next best option.

I don't want to have a bigger fanbase and simply attract more views to the dying content, I kinda want to figure out why it's dying in the first place, and why I even I don't enjoy it sometimes... I think I just need some interesting bigger project but I think I already got an idea in my head.

Sasha M

Yes, you are right, Yuni, most people will only view the images that you post on the social network itself. But still, some of them will visit your site. I mentioned Twitter as a possible platform only because it is probably the last truly huge global social network that is tolerant of nudity and eroticism. There are social networks much larger than Twitter, but on these social networks even nipples are considered pornography and a potential reason for a ban.

At the same time, I have no idea how to properly promote art. I just see how artists do it on Twitter with varying success, not always depending on their artistic talent. But I think this is an important matter, because it is absolutely wrong when people do not appreciate the work of an artist or writer not because they do not like it, but simply because they do not know that it exists.

Well, I tried posting on Twitter, but tbh it's just as useless as if I hadn't posted anything at all.

Your world [Yunia] is... pretty intriguing. I'm not the perfect person for it (though it is the main source material for one of my personal projects), but I'm sure plenty of people would really enjoy it!

Thank you so much! ^^

¯\_(ツ)_/¯